Location Counts

You’ve been pulled in to speak to the senior exec who has a reputation for having a bad temper and taking no prisoners. You have all the information you need, you've planned out various different scenarios and feel you're all prepped.

So, everything is set?

Did you know that where you sit can be the difference between a productive calm conversation and a negative venting session where you simply are the target of a verbal attack?

Aggressive behaviour is quite often not personal. It is the result of stress and this stress can be completely external issues with other companies, status of activities, issues even with people's personal lives. However, when you are the target none of this is either particularly useful to think about or in dealing with this negative behaviour.

So, has this happened to you, if it has can you remember where you were in relation to the person who was being aggressive?

In spatial psychology and proxemics (the study of how humans use space), there are several subconscious blind spots that make it physically and emotionally uncomfortable for people to launch a "full attack."

Sitting on someone’s left

Here is why sitting on their left completely disrupts someone’s ability to be hostile.

1. You Destabilize The "Strike Zone"

The worst place to sit relative to a hostile person is directly across from them (this is known as the "gunslinger" or competitive position). Facing someone head-on triggers an ancient, evolutionary fight-or-flight response. It allows for continuous, intense eye contact, which fuels aggression, and makes it incredibly easy for them to point, lean forward, and direct their vocal energy right at your face.

By sitting right next to them, you eliminate that entire dynamic.

To attack you verbally, they physically have to twist their neck almost 90 degrees. Doing this while trying to look imposing is awkward and feels unnatural.

When people shout or use an aggressive tone, they want to project it outward across the table to command the room. They cannot "launch" an attack sideways without looking ridiculous to the rest of the meeting.

2. The Right-Hand Blind Spot

Why the left side specifically? It comes down to a mix of brain dominance and physical mechanics:

• The Brain Shift: For the vast majority of right-handed people, the left brain controls the right side of the body, and the right brain handles spatial awareness and emotional processing on the left. Studies in business negotiation suggest that people tend to feel more cooperative toward those on their left, whereas they are more alert to threats in their direct line of sight.
• Defusing the Right Hand: If they are right-handed (which is statistically likely), their dominant arm, elbow, and hand gestures are naturally oriented to their right. By sitting on their left, they can't easily use dominant, aggressive hand gestures toward you without crossing their own body (if you try this is feels incredibly clumsy and defensive).
• 3. The Psychological "Ally" Trap and Proximity:Humans are deeply affected by a concept called Proximity Denotes Agreement. Subconsciously, the brain groups things that are close together.

When they look across the table at the rest of the room, you are in their peripheral vision, sitting on "their team" or "their side." It is psychologically much harder to attack someone who feels like they are sharing your physical real estate. To the rest of the room, an attack on someone sitting right next to you looks unhinged and cannibalistic, which raises the social cost of them acting out.

Real world logistics

Now with this knowledge you are really prepared, obviously you do need to be able to communicate effectively and with details that matter. It’s not just a magic wand to make sure a meeting goes well.

Let’s however, think of some practicalities.

Other people are aware of this, what happens? Well you could end up with people fighting over the same chair and fighting to not be in certain chairs i.e. directly opposite the senior stakeholder. This disrupts the meeting and looks very bizarre.

The senior stakeholder may be aware and either move or take this as a sign of weakness. If everyone has sat to their left it’s quite easy for them to move around the table and then change the positioning completely before the attack.

In reality if you are able to contemplate your location with regards to stakeholders that may be aggressive this can be a useful trick to employ. If you are going as a group into a meeting to for instance explain something problematic to a stakeholder, who is likely to be frustrated you may need to locate your group so that you take into account the direct communication and the “ally” style supportive and constructive communication i.e. you decide how you will locate yourselves to provide constructive input perhaps with the face to face communication and then provide updates on more controversial topics from the person located to the left of the stakeholder.

Another point is being able to disrupt these sorts of behaviours if there is actually something that does need to be addressed. If you have a B-player sat to the side of a stakeholder you may need to ask them to write something on the board or present to ensure that they do have the level of scrutiny required to resolve negative issues and behaviour.

At deCogan, we look into all these aspects to maximise your chances of productive and successful communication at the executive level.